Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
