he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
