i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
