strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
