I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
