I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
