ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
