I could have mohawked her pubes.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize