Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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