he puts the penis in happiness.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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