Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I need a beard to bite.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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