Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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