She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
