I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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