She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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