i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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