the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
