Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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