I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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