That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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