Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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