You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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