He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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