There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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