ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize