I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
