when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When are your genitals available?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
