didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
