New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
