I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
