Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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