this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
