this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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