You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
