why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
