The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
