Apparently you make a good broom.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
