You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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