im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
