He is such a slut. More and more my type.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm passing your future prison.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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