when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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