my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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