lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
