The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
