I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Did I show you my penis last night?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
