I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
