You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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