yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
