last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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