is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
