are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
