Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
