Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
