everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
