he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
