i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
