girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
