NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
