Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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