I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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