i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
