I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm eating all of the evidence.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
