how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
