he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
