Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
