Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
