Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
