When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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