wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
is that a dick in a sweater?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
