is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
