I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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