i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
