You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
