You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
