An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
