So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
