she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
