Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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