I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
