I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
