Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
