I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
