This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
